Hey sweetie pies, yes you read that title correctly, my fiance’ David and I are having a baby! We are so excited for this major milestone in our lives. We know that our lives will no longer be the same and yet we couldn’t be happier! Most of you follow me on social media so you already know this. But some things that I haven’t shared is just how exactly we found out. Also in this post, I share my fiance’ David and I’s initial and honest reactions.
I remember waking up on a Monday morning and having that feeling in my stomach. (And no I am not talking about morning sickness) I am talking about that feeling when you know something isn’t right. At this point, I was a little over a week late for my period. Honestly my menstrual cycle wasn’t always regular meaning it didn’t come on the exact same date every month but it would however come within 3-5 days of the estimated date of the previous month. (If that makes sense) Being a week late, I think that feeling I had was my intuition telling me what I already suspected.
With that suspicion in mind, I went to the store and got two at home tests. At that time, I hadn’t told David because we’ve had previous instances where we thought we were pregnant and it turned out to be a false alarm. I definitely didn’t want to get his hopes up, especially if the tests turned out negative. I hid them from David and decided that I would take the test on Tuesday morning. I got up Tuesday once David was at work and my suspicions were correct – the test came back positive! At first I had a mix of emotions, shocked because I was actually pregnant and then terrified. How could I be ready to bring a child into the world? I felt like I could barely take care of myself! I then thought about David. How would he feel? Excited, remorseful or would he be as terrified as I was? Regardless of the outcome, I knew I had to tell him as soon as possible. David’s very in tune with me. So he can tell when something’s on my mind, I am not feeling well, etc. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this away from him. As soon as he came home I decided to tell him.
Breaking the News to David
I had texted David earlier in the day telling him that I had something to tell him. David came home from work and I simply showed him the positive test result. A big smile spread across his face and then he asked was I serious. I nodded my head and told him yes. He then came up and hugged me so tight. I don’t think I had ever seen him that happy before! As happy as he was, I was honestly terrified! I remember telling David my reservations about us having a baby. He simply hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and assured me that we would be fine. He assured me that he thought I would make an amazing mother and that I was ready to take on motherhood.
Me, a MOM?
As I previously mentioned I had my reservations at first upon finding out that we were expecting.
Finances – If I am totally candid, I did not feel like we were ready to handle the financial responsibility that is a child. (I am still not sure, but is anyone really ready?)
Body – This one may come off as a bit selfish, but I am going to keep it real. I had lost over 40 pounds and starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin again. Which was something I hadn’t felt in years! What would that mean now that I am pregnant? Especially knowing that pregnancy brings on a number of changes in the body. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to give that feeling up knowing that those changes would take place whether I liked it or not.
Career – At this time, I was beginning to book gigs consistently. I was creating content on a consistent basis. I was busy teaching dance classes and choreographing for the studio I worked at. I was choreographing for shows to get more exposure as a choreographer. I was traveling for my blog and looking to expand. I had just recently re-branded my blog. I was always on the go for my creative endeavors. I immediately thought that I just couldn’t be pregnant. My career was just taking off! Would that mean that I have to put everything on hold? Most women have an idea of where they want to be in life especially when planning for kids. The fact that I wasn’t where I thought I should be in life really jolted me. I always saw myself as this well established career woman once I had kids. In my mind, I wasn’t anywhere near that yet and it really concerned me initially.
After talking to David, current moms as well as expecting moms – I learned that these feelings I have are totally normal. However, normal these feelings may be doesn’t mean that they have to turn out to be reality. A lot of moms expressed that having a kid has made them more ambitious and more self aware because it gives them a sense of purpose. One of which may not have been there pre-pregnancy. It is still a struggle to not let those feelings of doubt creep in. I am so thankful for my fiance` David because he is so encouraging of my journey to motherhood as well as my pursuits in my career and personal life. He is honestly the reason I am performing in the musical Mamma Mia this summer.
Looking Forward to the Future that is Parenthood
I have come to the realization that God blessed us with the opportunity to become parents for a reason. If He felt like we weren’t fit to be parents, he wouldn’t have blessed us with our little one. When I think of it that way, it gives me peace of mind and pure happiness. I am so blessed to be able to bring life into the world, especially knowing that there are women who can’t or have struggled with conceiving. Keeping that in mind humbles me greatly. I think the thing that I am most excited about becoming a parent is knowing that I have David to share this with. I seriously don’t know what I would do without him. He has been so supportive and understanding. I cannot wait to see him in “Daddy mode”. I know he is going to be the perfect father for our little one. Make sure to stay tuned for my 1st trimester recap that I will be sharing soon! If there are any moms out there, let me know in the comments below! I would love to hear how you felt when you first found out. Let’s support one another!
“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.” ~ Oprah Winfrey